Merry Christmas: a Smack Upside the Proverbial Head

I put up a Christmas tree this year, just like I do every year. It's not a "Holiday Tree," because I don't celebrate "Holiday." It's a damn Christmas Tree. And on my mp3 player, I have roughly 150 Christmas songs -- as well as six Hanukkah songs, and one winter solstice song. This Christmas, Santa is going to make his way into my apartment in the only way that Santa can and give my daughter WAY too much sugar. This Christmas, I am also going to read my daughter the Nativity story - just like I do every year. This year we're doing Luke's birth narrative since we did Matthew's last year. This year, for the first time, she is going to hear the story of "St. Nicholas and the Three Bags of Gold." And when she gets older, I'm going to read her T.S. Eliot's poem "Journey of the Magi."

I mention this because I am struck with the mean-spritedness with which I have been wished a "Merry Christmas" by many of my conservative friends. I think their point (though I'm not 100%) is that as a non-Christian liberal, I'll really get riled up about it - since liberals only say "Happy Holidays."

Now I ask you, who here is REALLY making a mockery of Christmas? The Christian or the Pagan?

Christmas is a great holiday, and even though I do not believe that Jesus was born to a virgin, I want in on it. Because as we all know, Christmas embodies a TON of celebration; it is not just a religious holiday, it is also a secular holiday. It was once stolen by a Grinch for Christ's sake! In fact, it was a secular holiday before it was a Christian holiday. The winter solstice festival dates back before recorded history; the celebration of Christ's birth was grafted onto it in the Middle Ages. Decorating Christmas trees, the giving of gifts, the traditional Christmas feast - they all have their origin in very non-Christian observances. In other words, if Christians can lift a secular holiday for religious reasons, a secular dad can steal it back for his daughter.

I read my daughter Jesus' birth narrative because, just like Santa Claus, it's part of our culture; it's a part of the way we celebrate Christmas. A culturally literate person should know the story. I also tell her the Greek myths. And the Norse myths. Soon she's going to know about Paul Bunyon and John Henry too. Stories are an important part of being human. As my old professor used to say, "We are the only species that learns about itself by inventing stories about itself."

To those who celebrate Christmas, I say "Merry Christmas!" To those who don't, it's only fitting to wish them a good day on their particular holiday too. If someone wishes me a Happy Hanukkah, I'll return the greeting -- after all, I don't want to be miserable on Hanukkah any more than anyone else! If I'm addressing "mixed company" so to speak, heck yeah I'm going to say "Happy Holidays" - not because I "hate Christmas" but because I am showing respect.

So to my passive-aggressive conservative friends, I'll gladly take a "Merry Christmas." Leave off making Christmas a political wedge issue, please.

I Have Had Enough.

So I have this anxiety disorder, see? Not sure how I got it - genetics seem to play a big role. But today I have had enough.

Just today, I was driving a distance of about five miles - and the whole way, I was freaking out about which route was the best. Suddenly, the absurdity of what I was doing suddenly really hit me. I was mentally on a treadmill.

It was not long ago that I made the discovery that I can handle almost any real problem that comes my way, but imaginary ones totally paralyze me. And that is what an anxiety disorder is all about. For me, a tornado watch is worse than a tornado warning. In fact, once when I was still married and lived in a second floor apartment, I saw a weather alert showing that a solid wall of tornadoes was streaming across Ohio and would be in our area in two hours. In a calm, orderly manner, I hustled my entire family into the car and headed for shelter. Once we were there (a family member's basement), I proceeded to entertain my family - keeping them calm until the winds finally did kick up.

For an even stronger example, consider the fact that I was a total mess when I was worried about losing my job, but having actually lost it, I am thriving.

Anxiety gone unchecked leads to paranoia - and I have had two bouts of paranoia that have messed me up something fierce. The latter landed me in the hospital. Since then I have been on a course of treatment that includes both medication and therapy -- and that has been very helpful. Not that the anxiety has totally gone away, but I am able to shut it down sometimes and deal with it better at other times.

"So why do you bring this up?" you may ask.

A big part of being a practicing Buddhist is Mindfulness. It's typically number seven on the Eightfold Path. And being mindful of my anxiety has both blessed me and seriously pissed me off. Because I am at a place now where I am just finding it annoying. Exhausting. Frustrating. I am tired of living like this.

I am TIRED.

Funny how exhaustion can spur one to change.

Today it seems insurmountable. It feels impossible. But I am sick of this.