At the Foot of the Cross, Volume 1 - by Various Artists

There is a disc that came out in the early 90's that is back in regular rotation on my mp3 player: At the Foot of the Cross, Volume 1. This magical little album prominently features members of The Choir and their circle of artists - Mike Knott, Phil Keaggy, Victoria Williams, Bob Bennett, and many many others -- including the late Mark Heard. It is mostly comprised of contemporary renditions of classic hymns, along with some neo-traditional renditions of the Catholic Mass and a couple rather trippy original tunes. It is astonishingly beautiful. That Mark Heard track is for my money THE highlight of this disc - a somber yet uplifting rendition of the Samuel Medley hymn "My Redeemer Lives."

Now I am not a Christian, though at the time this disc came out, I was quite devout. And at the time, this was my "desert island" disc -- if I were only allowed one more CD for the rest of my life it would be this one. That would have been around 1990 or so. Now, almost 20 years later, it's still in the top 10 for sure.

"Why?" you may ask "is such an overtly religious album still so special for you?"

Honestly, many religious works are still very special to me, the works of long gone classical composers notwithstanding (Handel's Messiah et al). But one of the things that I have come to learn in my post-Christian life is that I am allowed to like Christian works -- in the same way that I was allowed to enjoy non-Christian works when I was a Christian. It remains meaningful even though the literal meaning is not one that I still hold to. It is still a beautiful work of sonic art, no matter what it's about.

One of my favorite atheist thinkers, Daniel Dennett, gets a real kick out of putting people into groups and giving them provocative names. He divides us into "brights" (those who do not believe in a supernatural world) and "supers" (those that DO believe in a supernatural world). Now, Dennett has also divided the "Supers" into further categories:

• Those that believe their religion to the letter
  
• Those that secretly, deep down, do not truly believe in God
  
• and Murkies - those that choose to believe in the Mystery of God or the supernatural and so forth
  

...and in my time, I was a Murky.

I used to stay up all night as a late teenager on Christmas Eve, contemplating the Incarnation of Jesus. Never told anyone I did this, it was own private ritual - complete with sleep deprivation and ritual prayer.

Easter is always calculated on the lunar calendar, so every year, the (nearly) full moon was right outside my bedroom window. And again, I would stay up all night on the night before Easter, watching the moon and contemplating the resurrection.

I used to hold a private communion service in my home on Good Friday as well. These events were small, but well-attended. At my last of these bread & wine soirees (featuring John Coltrane's "Love Supreme"), I basically confessed that I didn't believe anymore -- the words just came out of me. I certainly didn't mean to say it.

Two weeks later I was out for good. And the things that I missed the most as a new atheist were these private personal rituals. It felt silly to continue them, but I had such an attachment to that feeling of Mystery - there was a legitimate grieving over losing them. But that was a long time ago.

I have grown up quite a bit since and don't have much really to prove. I am secure in my outlook on life and I don't mind a bit if I choose to listen to the Christian music of my teenage years. Some of it was very good - and At the Foot of the Cross, Vol. 1 is some beautiful music of the highest order. It gives me my guilty Murky pleasure - delivering ritual, spookiness, and sheer beauty. I recommend it to all.

For those interested in ordering it, you can download it here for the bargain price of $7.90.

Thanks!